Oftentimes the questions of others hooked me into a situation as if I don't have a choice, but to reflect on it even more - "Do I need to be hurry in order for me to settle down?" The concern now is: "Where is he?".
Do I look pitiful of having no one in life until this time? Do I look miserably lonely while remaining as single until now? Do I need to take heed on the advice of others to find someone for me to be "happy"? Do I need to do all efforts to search for the man for me? Am I going to be helpless when time comes that the need to have someone in life is like an urgent demand? My question always is: "Why do other people worry for me being single until now, which in fact being single does not bother me."
My friend called me, asking how am I doing, how many kids I have and when did I get married, etc. "No", I answered her. "I am not married and even don't have children. And she said that I am pitiful. "How come no one likes you if fact, you are a good person, beautiful, caring and loving", that is what she said to me.
TRAUMA. That is how I feel until this time. Of course, I want to get married someday and to have a happy, wonderful family of my own with the man I really love, the man who never hurt me, to the man who is deserving of my love and care, to the man who needs me because loves me.
My friend said that maybe I am choosy because I don't have a lover until now. She is totally wrong. I am not choosy. It is just I want someone who I really love, not because of wealth or money nor because of his physical appearance. It is the attitude, his love that matters to me. Love don't cost a thing.
That is why, I keep myself super busy with school and other works because I find it as an avenue to relieve myself and not to mind about the pain that I have went through. It was 4 years now, but it is still devastatingly painful. It is because I put my 100% trust on him (my bestfriend and lover before) who I thought would not hurt me. But I was extremely wrong. He did hurt me so much.
I have realized that when you touch a heart, never try to break it. What is the point of coming into someone's life and all of a sudden you just disappear or you change.unpleasantly.
We are all lovers and I know someone will come for me. But if there's none, then that is probably my fate.
I have realized that when you love, leave portions for yourself. Never give your 100% trust to him/her unless he/she is deserving of your trust. When you break up, you will not be left totally hurt. You can easily regain yourself.
Most importantly, it takes time to know a person. Getting to know each other well is the key to a harmonious relationship. For in knowing deeply the person, you can evaluate that, that person is truly the one who you will spend the rest of your life with.
Love is not a joke. A true man can't afford to hurt the woman he loves. Love should be treasured. It should be taken care of. It should be worked by two.
I can't blame my friend for asking me questions regarding my love life. I take my stride with hope and prayer to God that He will lead me into a good man who will understand, love, care, respect and who will love my family as well. A man who needs me because he like me. A man who will never hurt me and who will never try to hurt me because I am worth to be cared and loved for. A man who deserves my love and care.
I cried a bit because I don't want to recall my past, hurtful love story. But I know crying is part of the process. I can say that I am super strong when I am hurt. I never quit to stand from a drastic fall.
When can I be ready? When a man will come.
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