Dark, secluded, compressed spaces and compartments like small, open rooms in each sides, cigarette smoke spreads the place, women sexily dancing with ridiculous moves and dancing steps and even half-naked on-stage, the crowd heralded in much awe, this kind of nook is different from what I have known and this time, it is hidden. Going there is like you are going to an underground and bear with me, it takes a lot of courage to see the nook, the hidden nook.
There was I, sitting in the front view where I could 101% see all those women doing their hilarious things. I was totally shaking and nervous unstopably. I was feeling apprehensive for I do not know what to do. I could only hear my heart, beating so fast and if I have a heart problem, I could probably die. This very first scenario in my entire life, I have witnessed unexplanable situations that traps me in the middle and this time it is with NO choice, but to jam in respect of my friends' wants. This is my very first weird experience, ever! And shall I say, the most unforgetable so far.
At that time, reasons are dropped and pride are eaten nowhere. I could not complain because doing so, would drive my friends boring. Pupils dilated and eyes shunned to blink. I was quite static at first and turned unease afterwards. This experience is horrible, the kind of feeling that I was deprived from my own self witnessing what I have seen. I have felt that it is not me at that moment. I whispered to my thoughts, "Why am I here?", again and again. I swallowed my own saliva of the things I have seen that seems against my will. I felt that I have sinned so much. It is unbelievable. I have totally realized and awakened that there is indeed this kind of reality, not written in books and prints, but captured clearly right direclty at my very naked eyes. And take note, it is direct, instant. It just happen so fast, as if no total conditioning was made. All my senses were activated.
As the weird dances continuously roll and disco music sounded loud, almost-naked women continue to do their thing on-stage. Loud noices of cheers captured my ears. There they are, being with the boys. By and by, I then do my best to be calm. I said that all are just an expression of art in order to modulate my undescribable feeling. Frankly, I want to vomit. I do not know why, but I want to vomit. I am totally innocent of that kind but still, I continue to be with them. I could not leave my friends enjoying what they have seen. That would be disrecpectful. And so I try my best to enjoy and be okay, where in fact, I am totally not.
The "hidden nook" is not an ordinary nook that I have known. It is a place of survival, of various reasons, of false dreams and hopes, of sad reality and instant money. The "hidden nook" is not merely their initial choice, but do become their option in dealing with life's pressures and uncertainties when they think there is no other way to live and earn modestly. The "hidden nook" would probably make their family's stomach full, but sad to say, their body is the one to pay. The "hidden nook" displays them to be courageous and numb of what others might say. They are the sole "figthers" in their own way.
I could see their faces, as if it says, "I do not have any choice...Come what may". Their faces look innocent, so young and vibrant, but not free. Every dance is equivalent to life. Every customer is equivalent to money. Every intimate encounter is equivalent to "come what may". Then I asked, "Are they contented with that kind of life?", "Is it really okay for them to playfully be with guys one after another in order to gain instant money?", "Are they not be afraid to get STDs of what they are doing?", "Do their families allow them to be in that lustful job?", "Do their families know about this?", "Why is it okay for them to be played with guys?", "How do they feel everytime they display not just their dignity, but also thier flesh to the crowd?", "Do they have self-worth?", "Until when they can be like that?", etc. Lots of speculations lingered on my mind.
I pity them a lot. But still, I can not judge them. I know behind every depth of their exposures in the lustful spotlight, they are still warriors on their own way.
The "hidden nook" drives me to the other side of life, a reality that only those women know and me, to discover.
The "hidden nook" turns out to be the unhidden reality of life. Pretty weird to see, but do really exist. 06-23-17
No comments:
Post a Comment