Does my expression make me a “Joker”? A friend made me realize that.

Just this afternoon, my friend named, Teddy, made me known the kind of Johari’s Window in me. That kind of Johari’s Window that tells – ”I don’t know, but he knows”. Out from all our conversations, this one captured my senses and it made me laugh thinking of it all the time. 

Teddy said that he was amused seeing me as “tarantetet” (worrying out). I was laughing out loud. It is not that I am worrying out. It is just that I want to move with feelings all the time.

Out from my busy life – being a student in school, mother to my sisters at home, writer for some and adviser to many, it takes me to do things on the spare of the moment as if I don’t know tomorrow. That is why, I do move. I do directly accomplish them. It is not about being “worried”. It is more that I do really care. For me, one of my principle that I live on is “Don’t put things ‘till tomorrow what you can do today.” This probably made Teddy observed me that I always do directly things in school as fast as I can that he finds it as “worrying”. The truth, I set priorities.

Being always the leader heads me to gather my members right directly if there is time. I don’t want to spend my vacant time wasting for time is so precious for me. I do directly things because when I go home from school that is another thing. When I am at home, it is the time for my sisters. Responsibilities drive me to take the task as fast as I could with no wasting of time.

Teddy also said that I made him laugh everytime that I do express with feeling and gestures especially when I do things. Then, this made me really really laugh because it is my first time to know that I am like this. For me, it is my natural, but for others or maybe especially for Teddy, it is extraordinary to the point that he said that I am like “Joker”.

“I am a very, very, very expressive person,” I tell him. There is no faking in that. I can’t stop my hands from making gestures, my eyes from moving, my face from showing signs of total expression every time I do converse or react to things. It is just the way I am. I just knew now that it made him really laugh all the time as he sees me. And that means that he is laughing at me from the moment we have known until now. I just knew this kind of me now. And so weird, he said that it made me appear worried. I was just laughing out loud.

It is just that what I feel, what I say no matter what my facial expressions reveal, it totally explains the real me. It is just the way I am.

Every tasks of each day is part of my agenda. The moment I stepped out in the house for school, my schedule begins. That what makes me do things fast. I am engrossly focused on things because I get tired when I don’t have something to do. It gets me totally bored all the time. That is why, I pretty well know that when Teddy showed me moving directly and making plans fast, that is when he find me “worried”. But he is totally wrong. It is just I don’t want to put things until tomorrow what I can do today. Every tomorrow for me is another day. And that entails another agenda, another schedule, another story.

Does minding things, a fret? Does being always on time, a joker? Do my expressions – moves, actions, facial expressions and gestures made me a “Joker” or an “old-fashion” lady? Hahahaha…I just find him amusing telling me all these. He doesn’t know that I know how to dance.

Teddy made me realize the hidden-me that he saw on me. At least, I am aware of it. It is just that I am a very, very, very expressive person and that I found no wrong on that. This is me and I love the way I am. There is no way to change that. :-)